How often have you listened to that inner voice within you - a word of praise “aren’t you special!’, a positive reinforcement about yourself ‘go for it, you can do it!‘, or even an outright discouragement ‘you are just not worth it!’. This is your self-esteem speaking. Self-esteem is one’s appraisal of one’s worth. Self-esteem is an index of the amount of confidence and satisfaction you have in yourself. Self esteem is the collection of beliefs we have about ourselves.

This voice speaks in two ways - it can be positive and reassuring for some - for those who have a high self-esteem. At the same time, for those with a low self-esteem, this inner voice constantly criticizes, pulls them down, and negates their achievements.

The characteristics of a low self-esteem individual are all too evident, degrees, of course may vary - non-risk taker; looks for approvals externally; fears rejection; insecure, anxious, nervous with others; irrational beliefs.

Why is self-esteem so important? How we feel about ourselves affects how we act and react. A high self-esteem is as essential as oxygen, as uplifting as the fragrance of fresh roses, as warm as the golden sunshine - so very vital to a healthy life and state of mind. A low self-esteem can result in self-doubt, stress, anxiety, relationship problems, underachievement , spiraling down to a lack of interest in life itself

Self-esteem is derived from many factors - our goals in life, achievements, place in the world, how we relate to others, our successes/failures, how we perceive others seeing us, to name a few. Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lifetime- beginning right from our childhood- and is constantly being influenced by our interactions with different people and activities.

A positive self-esteem reinforces your confidence. If you have confidence, you tend to respect yourself. This further translates into a respect for others, improved relationships, confidence in one’s achievements, willingness and drive to pursue happiness, success etc. Confidence in self-helps you cope with situations in a positive light, to accept failures with a shrug, gives you the courage to try again.

A positive self-esteem and confidence walk hand in hand both are essential towards having a healthy and fulfilling life. Therefore, it is very essential to focus on building a positive self-esteem for oneself, in order to avoid the feeling of being incapacitated in our daily lives. Find below a few tips on building a positive self-esteem, which is by no means an exhaustive list.
Give yourself positive feedback - don’t put yourself down
Do not dwell on your mistakes
Celebrate your strengths
Be yourself - in all situations
Set realistic goals for oneself
Expand your comfort zones - try new things

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We come into this world with total self-confidence/self-esteem. An infant has self-confidence/self-esteem that their cries will get them what they need--food, diaper change, cuddling, communication, soothing, etc. If the child's needs are readily met and the child senses they are accepted unconditionally they flourish. If their basic needs for survival and emotional sustanence are only met sporadically or poorly their sense of self-confidence/self-esteem begins to deteriorate. If the child continues to experience depravation they begin to view themselves as not being good enough to be cared for or cared about. Their birth-right to self-confidence/self-esteem has been compromised. Thus, as an adult those who have experience any form of depravation, they need to re-establish what is their birth-right: Self-confidence/Self-esteem.

1.) Ask yourself, “What would be the worst outcome?” We tend to place excess importance on potential problems—a.k.a.—Worrying ahead syndrome. We have an infinite amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely.

2.) Disengage the nagging, negative internal critical voice. That negative internal critical voice can keep anyone stuck. To disengage the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or simply change the internal voice to the Disney Channel. Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck seriously if they were criticizing you? The point is to disengage the critical voice by altering the way it nags at you. If you hear your own voice or a critical parent voice nagging you, it will paralyze you. If you hear a funny voice, you laugh and maybe hear the irony of your negative internal critic and continue onward.

3.) When doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it. Close your eyes, then, vividly imagine you succeeding at what you are planning to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses.

4.) Find someone who is already confident in the area of expertise you need and watch how they do it. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some.

5.) Act “As-if.” Act as-if you already have the habit/behavior you desire. If you were confident, “How would you be feeling? What would you be doing? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself—self-talk?” By asking yourself these questions, you compel yourself to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “As-if” you are confident. As you continue to act “As-If” you will notice you are acting less and less as your behavior becomes a habit. Within 30 to 45 days you’ll develop it into a natural habit/behavior.

6.) Project yourself into the future and ask if what you’re faced with is as onerous as you fear. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You’re reviewing your life. Is what you’re faced with now even going to pop up? That’s highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear.

7.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. Nothing ventured—Nothing gained. To get what you want, ask for it. If you consistently ask people for what you want, you will get it. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that several people out there want to and would be willing to help you if you only ask? People will help because they know they might need help in the future and you might be a source. Whether that is true or not in the “real world” is irrelevant. The belief is empowering, I invite you to adopt it.

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Nobody wants to be a failure. Everybody wants to be a successful.

The simple fact is that to work hard to become successful in life is the goal of everybody unless you are ready to throw in the towel and give up on your efforts and chances of becoming a success.

In this day and age there is a ton of material available with the focus on helping people reach their goals at something. This material includes counseling programs, articles and books that speak of different ways to achieve success.

However, the level of success is not relative to those who use it even if they study the same product and use the right steps. Needless to say not everyone who utilizes this material become successful.

Now you have to ask, what is required to become successful? Several experts in their respective fields whether it be counselors or psychologists have established certain advice guidelines regarding the best ways for one to achieve success but none of them can really assure success.

The most reasonable explanation of this is that most people have their own way of becoming successful. They only use the advice of the experts as a general guide.

But if they make use of the same material, advice or guidelines available to them to teach them success, there is one major factor that allows one to gain a higher level of success. That factor is extra effort. Those that gain more success are willing to work and strive harder.

Making this extra effort is the determining factor in gaining success. What is ironic is that is the part of the whole process that is often overlooked. Those that seem to make an effort toward obtaining success, only to find failure believe that their efforts where good enough. They are left with this conclusion in their own minds that it just wasn’t meant to be and success is far from their reach.

Success should not be out of reach of anyone because success knows no boundaries. It is not something for just the privileged few. From those who can afford to the those not so fortunate to begin with and a strong desire to obtain it, success is for any and everyone. Success is for anyone that is willing to exert that extra effort that is required.

All this really means is, that if you want to be successful in life, a little “extra” in anything you do to work toward your goal needs to be exercised. It could be, extra effort, extra motivation, extra time, extra studying, extra reading etc.

Most people fail, or at least fail at their attempt to gain more success because the actions they have taken are not quite good enough. They simply overlooked the fact that in order to achieve their goal they need to make that extra effort. To fully comprehend the meaning of making that extra effort, you must understand this:

1. People who have found success and make that extra effort have a plan and direction in life. This explains when they feel they have not achieved their objective, they are willing to work a little harder.

2. Those who come close to success make the necessary effort, but the true winners receive ultimate success by making that extra effort above and beyond to ensure their dreams come to fruition.

3. Stubborn determination, motivation and drive are all prerequisites of success and the truly successful people possess these traits.

Attitude plays a huge part toward success. Making that extra effort is not hard. It just means that you are almost there but that little boost of “extra” is required as the final step to your goals.

Make your dreams a reality. Encourage yourself to make that extra effort to go for it with an attitude of unbending determination and motivation. Remember, you are almost there, just give a little extra effort. You will thank yourself in the long run.

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Anxiety disorders have been diagnosed in 18 percent of the US adult population. And how many more of us live lives that are limited by fears of things that never happen? We spend a lifetime fearing or worrying about some eventuality that never arrives. And we frequently worry in wild disproportion to what might actually occur. The bottom line is that none of the fear – and the resulting anxiety, stress, distraction of it all – really does any good. It reduces our ability to be present in our lives, and leads to serious deterioration of our health and our immune system.

Are you living a life based on unwarranted fears? See if these statements sound like you:
o It's better to leave things as they are. This situation is not great, but something different could easily be worse.
o If I don't take care of this project myself, it just won't go well. No one cares as much as I do about it.
o People can't really know what's right for themselves. I am safer following the rules of authority (parents, church, peer groups, etc.)
o Stability is built from "tried and true" and "staying on the straight and narrow."
o Society would be chaotic if we didn't act from a sense of duty and obligation.

Though these statements don't sound all that abnormal, they do point to limiting beliefs about change, trust, control, guilt, and obligation (the five most prevalent fears). To begin the process of ridding yourself of these attitudes, try this four step process:

1) In what way does having this belief benefit my life?
2) In what way is having this belief a detriment to my life?
3) How would not having this belief benefit my life?
4) How would not having this belief be a detriment to my life?

Insights gained from this process can help uproot unwarranted fears. For example, through this process, some smokers have learned they were more interested in the occasional 10 minute break during work rather than an actual desire to have a cigarette. Taking a proactive approach by suggesting a fresh air break to the boss may prove a welcomed strategy for all involved.

Removing stress and fear from our lives improves our ability to think clearly, allows our immune system to operate properly, and leaves time and energy to move toward our optimal goals.

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